Someone who was a mentor to me early in my career is in Federal prison right now for taking funds from client accounts and using them to operate his business. Certainly wrong, and you would never do anything like that, right?

It is not likely that he woke up one day and said, “Gee, the sun is shining, it’s a beautiful day, I think I’ll grab a few million bucks from my clients.” Getting to that point was a gradual process. He was in a tough, perhaps desperate situation, so he justified moving some money. He may have believed he would pay the money back when things got better. But things never got better, and he ended up stealing $5 million. He may have thought of it as “borrowing.” He may even have believed he was doing the right thing because he was keeping his company going and paying his employees.

We hear all the time about someone who was a trusted bookkeeper for a small business for 30 years, until one day it is discovered that they embezzled $500,000. In most cases, they did not set out to steal hundreds of thousands of dollars from their employer. Often it starts because they are a little short of cash, so they borrow $50 from petty cash until payday. Maybe they even pay it back the first few times. Then one day they need $300 to get their car repaired. Pretty soon they are writing checks for hundreds or thousands of dollars.

You may think of yourself as an honest person, but do you know what you would do if you were faced with a choice to do either the right thing or the expedient thing? This is not just about money. Ethical “shortcuts” take many different forms. It might mean doing something underhanded to a colleague or competitor, or lying to a client.

Once someone takes that first step to do something that is unethical, immoral or illegal, the next step becomes easier. Each step is a decision, and each step takes them away from the right path.

Decide right now that you will always do the right thing. Making the commitment when the choice is not staring you in the face will make it easier to do what you need to do when you encounter what could be a tough choice.

Doing the right thing may be painful at the time, but there is a reason it is called the “right” thing.

Life is like that, too. When an opportunity is presented and you say no, a door closes. Saying yes creates the possibility of great (or at least new!) things happening for you.

Does this mean you should say yes to everything?

Well, no. Some things are just bad ideas. Saying no to bad ideas is smart.

What you should avoid, though, is the automatic no. This is the no that comes without thinking when you are confronted with a new possibility. Whether it is an offer to speak to your professional association, taking a yoga class, or going on a trip to a new city, saying no only because something will take you out of your comfort zone is always a bad idea.

The next time you are presented with an opportunity, before the “no” springs from your lips, ask yourself a few questions:

What part of you is saying no: your instincts or your fear? Probe a little deeper for the origin of the no. As you dig, you will find your true reasons. If they have to do with real dangers or problems with the offer, go with the no. But if it is just fear, consider saying yes instead.

What is the worst thing that could happen if you say yes? If the worst thing is that you go broke, destroy an important relationship or go to prison, “no” might be a good answer. If the possible consequences are less dire, maybe a yes answer is warranted.

How does this new opportunity fit in with your overall goals and objectives? If it is consistent with your goals, say yes. Would it interfere with doing what you need to do? That might mean a no.

What good things could come from saying yes? Even if it doesn’t appear to be a perfect match with your goals, are there other benefits you might get: financial, personal growth, resume enhancement?

Be open to saying yes, and see what great things you can make happen!

Here are some ideas for natural stress relief that can help you stay in control.

Improve your diet. Eating better can help you feel better and give you the stamina to deal with stress. Eat more fresh vegetables and fruits and fewer sugars, salt, and refined carbohydrates. Decrease your caffeine intake, too, as caffeine can exacerbate the symptoms of stress. Not sure you can give up your daily coffees? Try switching to decaf, or a mixture of “regular” and decaffeinated coffee. Or better yet, substitute herbal teas.

Take your vitamins. The best way to get the vitamins and nutrients you need is by eating a healthy balanced diet. However, if you are not sure you are getting all you need, you might consider a supplement. Take a daily multivitamin, or choose a supplement with just the vitamins you need most. Vitamin C boosts the immune system and has been shown to decrease stress related infections. Vitamins A and E are antioxidants, and B-complex vitamins can improve your mood.

Use aromatherapy. Scents are incredibly powerful. Just getting a whiff of freshly-baked cookies can take us back to childhood, and happy associations with Mom’s best oatmeal cookies. Catching the aroma of an ex-lover’s favorite cologne can bring back less pleasant memories. Lavender, Rosemary, Sandalwood, and Tangerine are some of the scents that have a calming effect. Choose an essential oil, a candle, potpourri or other scented item that relaxes you or makes you feel happy.

Remove yourself from stressful situations. When you can, take yourself out of situations that aggravate your stress. Avoid people that trigger stress reactions, work away from your office for the day, or skip dinner at your in-laws just this once. You can’t run away from stress, but you can take steps to avoid it.

Enjoy a warm bath. Fill your tub with warm water and luxurious bubbles, or add your favorite essential oil to the water. Then sit back and soak away sore muscles, that tired feeling and the stresses of the day.

Get moving! You don’t have to take up kickboxing or run a marathon, just start an activity that puts you in motion. Walk your dog, get on the treadmill, jump rope, take an aerobics class—anything that gets your heart rate up and gets those endorphins pumping. I keep a mini-trampoline in my office, and when I am feeling tired or stressed, I jump up and down for a few minutes.

Get a massage. Where do you carry your stress? For me, it is mostly in my neck and shoulders. A massage helps to release that stress. Many places (e.g., grocery stores, book stores, etc.) have chair massages available. Just 10 or 15 minutes can make a huge difference.

Meditate. Clear your mind and reduce your stress. Add aromatherapy and yoga or gentle stretching after meditation to enhance the effects.

If you are alive you will feel stress, but you can take action to control the effects of stress on your mind and body.

1. Decide what you want. If you don’t know what you want, you certainly can’t get it. That is only natural. So decide on what your dream is: a million dollars, health, travel, clothes, a happy marriage. Focus on your true dream. Many people say they want money, but their true dream is what they will be able to do with the money. Your dream may be to have wealth, or it may be to have the freedom to travel, or the ability to spend your time as you wish.

2. Put it on paper. You must see with your real eyes what your “mind’s eye” has visualized. In so doing, you impress upon your brain the dream you want–and this makes it come true faster. Write down your dream. Post it somewhere where you will see it every day. Some people go a step further and create a vision board.

3.Start at the beginning. Put the steps to reach your dreams into logical sequence, then go step by step. If your dream is worth having, it is worth working for. Don’t take shortcuts that may keep you from reaching your dream.

4. Put it in motion. A dream that lacks motion is never achieved, so get the dream moving. It begins to take form with motion. You may make mistakes–but you are moving forward as you do. Almost any action is better than no action.

5. Don’t settle for less. Once your plan is in motion, it only takes gentle taps to keep it moving forward. “Good enough” is not true success. Don’t lower your expectations or undersell your dream. Make it pay off in full–somehow it will.

6. Recognize its arrival. Once the dream is realized then relax and enjoy it to its fullest. There is a human tendency to always want more, no matter how much we have. Don’t curb ambition–but do curb greediness. Remember that what you have today may have been your dream only yesterday.

Copyright Cathy Stucker – Derivative work created based on a work in the public domain

1 Analyze exactly what you are afraid of

Any fear that is faced honestly and truthfully may be conquered, if the source of the fear can be determined. But fear wears many masks.

Once you are able to determine what your real fears are you can, with time and patience, overcome them.

2. Analyze your problem: can something be done?

The famous prayer of Alcoholics Anonymous embodies a philosophy of life that has helped change the attitudes of thousands of persons for the better.

God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; The courage to change the things I can; And the wisdom to know the difference.

An old English proverb puts it this way:

For every evil under the sun, There is a remedy, or there is none. If there be one, try and find it. If there be none, never mind it.

If something can be done, do it. If nothing can be done, stop stewing about it.

3. Compute the likelihood of the thing you fear happening

We often overestimate the danger of unfamiliar actions, and overestimate the safety of the familiar. If you are afraid of flying, become aware of safety statistics. The fact is that plane crashes make the news because (1) they are rare and (2) when they happen, there are often many people injured. You probably do more dangerous things than getting on an airplane without giving them a second thought.

Be realistic about the odds of what you fear actually coming to pass.

4. Do the thing you fear

If you have a concrete fear, you can often conquer it by doing the thing you fear. In fact, Emerson wrote, “Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.”

In order to get rid of a fear, we usually have to expose ourselves over and over again to the situation we fear.

Suppose, for instance, you’re afraid to get up in public and make a speech. If you get up in public only once or twice, you may never quite conquer your fear.

But if you get up in public at every available opportunity, each time you will lose a little of your fear. Psychiatrists refer to this process as desensitization.

5. Learn to deal with problems as soon as they arise

Ignoring a problem does not make it go away. Postponing action does not make the situation better, it makes it worse.

6. Overcome your fear of making mistakes

Many of our fears are based on past mistakes. Instead of profiting from our failures and learning from them, we let the memory of them paralyze us.

We might ask ourselves: What have I to lose if I act as though I did not fear the thing I do fear? When you discover you have nothing to lose, you release within yourself the power o£ positive action.

7. Have faith in your ability to solve problems

Faced with a new job, we are apt to go into a blue funk. Sometimes we are afraid we won’t be equal to it.

Here’s a way to build up your realization that you probably can handle the job, and handle it well.

In the next half hour, take a refreshing shower or bath. Then sit down with a pad and pencil and write down the things you’ve accomplished that should help to equip you for the job.

What are your strong points? Write them down. What are your weak points? Can you do anything to eliminate them? If you figure things up correctly, you’ll find your strong points outweigh your weak ones. And with your strength, you’ll be able to correct your weakness.

Surely, there is some reason why the boss picked you for this job. He believes you can do it. Why should he be wrong? Why should you judge yourself more harshly than he judges you?

Close the door on the past. Maybe you failed at something you tried to do ten years ago. What of it? Certainly you learned from that experience. In many ways you are different from the man you were ten years ago.

It is utterly impossible to live in the past. Never mind yesterday. Today is a new day. This very day will bring you over 1,000 minutes, which you can use as you choose.

8. Don’t expect to be completely worry-free

Some fears and worries have a rational basis, while others are based on exaggeration and misinterpretation. But only a moron could go through life completely unconcerned and unworried every second of every day.

What we want out of life is to acquit ourselves so that we can approve of how we ourselves have acted in emergencies.

Faced with a situation he fears, every human being either (1) runs away from it (2) faces it or (3) retreats temporarily, gathers his reserve strength together, and then attacks the situation again.

You can’t successfully flee from fear. We know that running away from any situation or fear is foolish. The man who absconds with the bank’s money will be caught, sooner or later. The deserter who walks out on his wife and children will usually be brought to justice. And within the bar of his own mind, he is condemned the moment he acts against his inner convictions. The salesman with the cold doorknob hand who refuses to knock on anybody’s door will never sell successfully.

We can build our courage by our daily actions. We can, by our small daily actions, learn to triumph over small fears, and so build up the kind of courage that will help us face large emergencies successfully.

No one wants to be turned down by a potential client or someone else to whom we have reached out. Perhaps you asked for their business, or you hoped to collaborate with them on a project or you made some other type of proposal. When you hear “no” (or worse, nothing) it can be dispiriting.

So is there a bright side to rejection? There can be, if you take the right approach. Ask yourself these questions.

Was this the right offer? Be a little brave and ask why they said no. They may not be willing to say, or may give you an answer that is not 100% honest, but you might be surprised what you learn. Sometimes the no comes because they don’t want or need what you offer right now, it could be price or terms, or it could be that the offer wasn’t clear.

The feedback can help you improve (or maybe even rescue the current situation). Do not completely remake your offer to suit them, but you can make some tweaks (or perhaps just explain it better) and that may be enough. Use what you learn when approaching others in the future.

Was this the right time? The need may not exist right now, or they might be focused on other issues.

If the door is left open, you can approach them again when circumstances change.

Was this the right person? Perhaps the person you approached was not a good fit with you. Their personalities or priorities may clash with yours, or maybe the person is just a jerk. In any event, you are probably better off not working with them.

Next time, look for the right people to do business with. Put a questionnaire on your site to help potential clients and partners self-screen. Make sure your image is in line with what your ideal clients expect.

Don’t take rejection personally. It often isn’t personal at all. Even when it is, it does not mean that there is something wrong with you. It means that you or your offer are not a good fit with the person you approached. Or it may mean that there is something wrong with them. ;o)

Good salespeople know that rejection is part of the job. The more people you approach, the more you will hear “no.” But approaching more people also means that you will hear “yes” more often.

Don’t fear rejection. Accept it, learn from it, and move on to the next “yes.”

Want to be happy? Act as though you are happy.

Want recharge your marriage? Remember how you felt in the early days of your relationship, and act that way again.

Want to have a job you can love? Act as though you love your current job.

Want to be more confidant? Act as though you are confident.

Acting as if you already have what you want will change your attitude to a more positive one. It will also alter how you behave toward other people and how they react to you. You will create the habits necessary to get—and be—what you want.

Acting as if is not easy. It takes practice and reinforcement. You will need to change the negative thoughts and actions that have become habits over many years. Cut yourself some slack while you are establishing new patterns, but keep acting as if and your new attitude will become a habit.

Try it—and be amazed by the results!

Getting defensive when someone criticizes you is a normal reaction, but if you are willing to accept constructive criticism you can improve. The criticism may be of your business, your products or you personally—if you can get past your initial reaction, you may find it helpful.

I have presented seminars for years, including about a year for a major public seminar company. Every day I faced an audience of 50 to 400 people, many of whom were sent by their bosses and did not want to be there. At the end of the day, they got to say whatever they wanted, anonymously, on the evaluation form.

Fortunately for my ego, most of the evaluations were positive. People talked about how I kept their interest and how much they learned. But sometimes they said I talked too fast (Oops. Yes, I do that.) and sometimes they lobbed gratuitous insults rather than offering constructive criticism. One person didn’t like my hair, another criticized the color of my jacket, and someone else said I was too short.

My favorite comment was from someone who said, “She tries to be funny and it makes her even more annoying.” “Even more annoying”? So this person did not like me from the git-go, and when I opened my mouth, things went downhill from there. What can you do when you read something like that but laugh?

The secret to handling criticism is to know when to pay attention to it and when to shrug it off. The people who said I talked too fast—well, they had a point. I do sometimes talk too fast. Seeing comments like that made me more aware of it, and reminded me to slow down and breathe once in a while in future presentations. But to the people who said that my jacket was too bright or I was too short, geez, get a life.

When you are in the public arena, you will be criticized, sometimes fairly, sometimes not. You need to develop a thick skin so that the ridiculous insults do not draw blood, but recognize when someone offers criticism that can make you, your business or your products better. Here are some ways to do that.

Consider the Source. Is the person offering the critique anonymous? Do they have an agenda or an axe to grind? Are they someone who truly has your well-being in mind? Do they have knowledge of the thing they are criticizing? Do not assume that criticism from a friend of family member is well-intentioned. Even if it is, they may not be qualified to offer advice in every area.

Determine the Truth. Ask yourself if there is truth in the criticism. This can be hard, as it means owning your flaws. If you are hearing the same thing from several independent sources, there is a good chance there is at least some truth in it. Even if only one person tells you something, it may be accurate. Be honest with yourself.

Calculate the Value of Change. How difficult would it be to make the change? What would the cost be? And what would the result be? If making a change would require completely redoing your business, and the result would be a small increase in revenue, the return on investment probably does not make it worthwhile.

Take Action (or Not). Once you have determined that a criticism is valid and you need to make a change, make the change. If you have decided that the criticism is not valid, then forget about it. Do not keep going over it in your head, obsessing about the fact that there is a person in the world who doesn’t like you. Shake it off and get on with your life.

And when you ask for criticism, be prepared to hear things you do not want to hear. If the people offering the criticism care about you, they will be willing to tell you the truth instead of what you want to hear. Do not assume that they are wrong, but remember that they might be. Be open to either possibility, and be honest with yourself to get to the truth.

I learned a few things this week that I wanted to share with you. As I thought about these lessons, I realized that they would be helpful even when not facing a disaster.

Be prepared. You could tell who had not stocked up on non-perishables and filled their gas tanks before the storm. They were the ones frantically searching for needed items and standing in long, long lines once the storm passed. Think about what you will need for the future, and what you may need in a disaster, and make sure you have it on hand.

Have a plan. Know what you are going to do, before and after a disaster or other emergency. In addition to buying needed supplies, I backed up my computers and found safe storage places for the equipment and backups so that I could quickly resume business. It was a near certainty that we would lose power, perhaps for days, so I thought about what I would do while waiting for the power to come back.

Be willing to accept help. I tend to be very self-sufficient, and hesitant about asking for help or even accepting it when it is offered. This is not a virtue. I still believe that it is important to be able to stand on your own two feet, but I have a better understanding that being willing to accept help from others can help you to achieve much more than you can do on your own.

Pay it forward. Neighbors who had power offered me access to their air conditioning and wireless Internet and gave us ice. Our next door neighbor allowed us to plug a couple of things into their generator. A friend brought ice and charged my laptop. She even offered us a place to stay if our home got too hot and uncomfortable. Although I can not directly repay the people who helped me by doing for them what they did for me, I can show my appreciation to them and I can help others who are still without power or need other assistance. Look for ways to pay the kindnesses shown to you forward and pass them on to others.

If you were affected by Hurricane Ike, I hope you are on your way back to normal life. When you can, do something to help friends and neighbors who are still struggling to recover. Even if you were not affected by Ike, keep these lessons in mind to take care of yourself and others.